On the moment I tried to write this, I had just severed a "transaction". In Psychology, when people make a connection, converse, etc., a transaction is formed. When it is terminated or severed, it's a form of disengagement.
I had disengaged from this guy's acquaintanceship, for lack of a better word, because his presence in my life was already disturbing. I had gotten to know him through a chatroom, when I asked for call center insider information (on call formats). He was willing to oblige my requests for information, and so as to be polite and to be a, well, "decent person, I decided to give him my instant message ID, even if warning signals were flashing through my head. Next thing I knew, he was sending me daily instant messages, letting me know of his whereabouts, being basically guy-sweet and thoughtful..
It would have been okay if.. I wasn't engaged.
But the fact is, I am. And I have no intentions of being unfaithful to that covenant.
And besides, I take back that "It would have been okay" bit. It WASN'T okay. He was too negative for my taste, and I hate men who are constantly beating themselves up. My low self esteem is enough for the two of us, thank you.
Besides, I have no intentions of fixing up a person who has no direction. I am allergic to men with zero direction and responsibility and who blame their troubles on a God they did not even bother to get to know. That is the last thing I need in my life, and desirability be damned, I just want my sanity.
And so, I disengaged from that transaction. I would have forgotten he, it, ever happened if not for my seeing this draft on my posts.
*munching on my muesli*
