http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/ nicotine withdrawal junkie Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:05:00 PDT http://www.blogdrive.com Copyright 2008. Writing Internet Christianity http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/19.html Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:01:04 GMT I am again battling the old demon of addiction. This time, as an external temptation. I have been fending him off for days. I was successful yesterday when I had quoted scripture to keep him away. Today, I am weakening, partly because my tummy is sooo full. But then that's not the point, right? There is no excuse. No wonder the Holy Spirit had been leading me to blog about this. Getting my feelings out in the open jolted me to fact that this is a battle and if I give in to that demon now, he would have won, and I... Would only be pummeled by addiction. Not today, Ciggy. http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=19 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/18.html Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:39:29 GMT Breakup blues. I wish I could still contact him. I wish I could ask if he were okay. I wish I could tell him I love him and need him in my life. I wish I could do so many other things that married couples can. I don't understand why I need to die to myself regarding him and my heart. Not true. I actually understand why I need to die to myself regarding us. But it's the craziness of the matter that makes me retch. I wish I can love him in this lifetime. I wish I can consummate the marriage I would have wanted to happen. But apparently, according to Jesus, God hates divorce. I don't want... (more) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=18 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/17.html Fri, 28 Dec 2007 23:41:09 GMT I am on a blogging roll this morning and I just wanted to update this blog. I sure missed the nauseating red font on a black background theme, but it's not the same anymore, as when I was still demonized much. I just wanted to update because I linked this blog up on blog-tutorials.com and I won't want to be caught empty-blogged (whatever) if someone happens by on here. Update: the last time I smoked... Was weeks ago. I cannot even recall when anymore. And I'm glad. I know I am not totally free yet, because when I walk down my dorm's street at nighttime, I get the urge to buy a stick off... (more) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=17 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/16.html Wed, 12 Dec 2007 11:52:42 GMT Since I updated here. And that is good news. Meaning the rage rampage/depression/urge to smoke is nearly licked, or maybe I'm just preoccupied with a lot of other things. Either way, I am glad for sanity. It's nice being silent up there in my brain sometimes. And today, it's nice blogging here to say.. That I miss God. And having a clean room. :) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=16 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/14.html Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:22:17 GMT Far from everyone I know, I silently blog my "evil" side here. I do not want people to see when I am being only too weak. I do not want people to see me wounded. Is it the "perfect Christian" notion that I have that underscores my avoidance of giving them a glimpse of the can of worms in my gut? I rationalized earlier that maybe I just don't want people to "stumble" on my account. That seems valid. But I wonder if, there's a bit of rationalization and empty self-aggrandizement turned from self-pity somewhere there. BUT I guess I really just shouldn't second-guess my motives and live life... (more) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=14 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/9.html Fri, 09 Nov 2007 21:05:42 GMT On the moment I tried to write this, I had just severed a "transaction". In Psychology, when people make a connection, converse, etc., a transaction is formed. When it is terminated or severed, it's a form of disengagement. I had disengaged from this guy's acquaintanceship, for lack of a better word, because his presence in my life was already disturbing. I had gotten to know him through a chatroom, when I asked for call center insider information (on call formats). He was willing to oblige my requests for information, and so as to be polite and to be a, well, "decent person, I decided to... (more) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=9 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/13.html Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:56:52 GMT The last time I smoked was on November 6, 2007, according to these blog posts. I have had urges, but no real action to puff off a stick since then. I am thankful, and I am glad that I haven't touched one, though sometimes the craving was only too strong. I am happy that though this is one of my biggest temptations, the week was just so full of events that I haven't had time to really focus on myself. I am glad for silence. :) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=13 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/12.html Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:27:17 GMT Why is it that when I am fed, I feel no need to smoke?! http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=12 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/11.html Mon, 05 Nov 2007 23:01:02 GMT I am listening to angry Evanescence right now. I threw a tantrum in Shopwise Makati earlier because their music was only too inane and annoying: the 12 days of Christmas with Shopwise lyrics. Positively the stupidest songs ever. Good thing I didn't slit my throat with the shards of the gerber bottles I accidentally broke. The music could drive the sanest person to suicide, I tell you. And yes, I love angry Evanescence. Mirrors how I feel right now. :p http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=11 http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/archive/10.html Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:47:53 GMT I was fending off the desire to smoke earlier, and I realized that just holding on to my friend's abhorrence of how my room would be "in a haze" whenever anyone smokes in here is enough to make me not want to smoke. And yet I crumbled again as I bought me a stick of the funnies. Funny because why is it that I think I need it when I honestly don't? -It tastes bad. -It smells bad. -It stinks when I breathe after, I just realized. -Then I get annoyed with myself and the rest of the world after I smoke. So yeah, it's seriously NOT healthy to smoke. It's seriously NOT healthy for me to even... (more) http://loriethereselocara.blogdrive.com/comments?id=10